The Ballad of Captain Killybegs (Part 3)

A salute to Seamus Coleman concluded

“All your strength. All your power. All your love. Everything you've got.”

Tony ‘Duke’ Evers, Rocky 4

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The journey to dual captaincy of club and country may have been a long and arduous one, but the qualities evident in Seamus Coleman from the very outset of his career meant his eventual acquisition of the coveted armband seemed almost inevitable.

Derry native, Shaun Kelly, who attended the same school as Seamus and later played Gaelic football alongside him for Killybegs, as well as soccer for St Catherine’s, recalls the right-back being “one of those guys who was the captain of all the underage teams growing up.”

“I remember once we were in an U16 county final against St Eunan’s of Letterkenny”, the League of Ireland man continued. “We were down by something like seven points at half time and a point down in injury time. We ended up winning the game with the last kick of the game, but I remember that game for how well Seamie played, and how his driving force brought us back. To this day, it still stands out to me.”

Now, we all know that on the ‘Severe Levels Of Smoke Being Blown Up Someone’s Arse’ scale, then asking Roberto Martinez to give an opinion on a player he’s previously managed probably comes second only to taking a massive shit round Snoop Dogg’s mansion, but still it’s hard to level an accusation of hyperbole at the amiable Spaniard when he asserts “[Seamus is] someone who’d go through a brick wall to achieve success for others. That’s quite rare in the modern dressing room.”

(“La da da da dah. It's the mother*****g B-O-double-B…err…Y”, riffed Snoop Dogg).

Rolling another approbative blunt, Roberto revealed “It was never a doubt that he would become a leader. I think he’s been a leader for many years,” and the evidence to back up such a lofty claim has long been there for all to see.

Every step of the way he’s shown himself to be a true professional, exemplary in effort and application.

He is by no means a perfect player, but he strives for perfection all the same.

He has suffered many a loss in a blue shirt, but continually demonstrates he knows not what it is to be defeated.

He is, for my money, the greatest leader Everton Football Club has seen since the last vestige of long ago glory days departed with a veteran Dave Watson.

When someone needs a bollocking he’s ready to dish it out. When someone needs encouragement, he’s there with the words to gee them up. When someone needs defending, he’ll happily get in an aggressors face to let it be known no Everton player will be an easy target while he’s on the field.

Jack Wilshire, a victim of hype so often during his playing career he probably carried around his own crime scene chalk in his club shorts, recounts a tale of coming up against Seamus Coleman in a friendly game that is illustrative of the Irishman’s competitive nature and appetite for the fight in even the most meaningless of fixtures.

When asked for his ‘scariest’ encounter with an opposition player the ex- gunner gave it a few seconds thought before responding, “The most serious one was probably Seamus Coleman.”

“It was pre-season, I think it was in China and I’m just winding him up the whole game. Then he just snapped, he lost his head and started shouting at me “you’re overrated, you’re overrated” and all this. He followed me down the tunnel.” Faced with an infuriated Coleman, the then Arsenal blusterer quickly arrived at his best course of action: “I ran off!”

Another ex-Arsenal player to regret getting on the wrong side of the Everton captain during a game was Kieran Gibbs, by then turning out for West Brom. In September 2020, on the stroke of half-time, the left-back was laying the ball off to a fellow Baggies player when James Rodriguez clattered into him with a late challenge. The ropy defender took umbrage at being the recipient of a rare Rodriguez tackle and reacted by shoving a hand out toward the Everton talisman. The Colombian fell straight to the floor clutching his face like Laurie Strode had just knit one purled one right through the players cornea and Gibbs duly received the first red card of his career.

The absence of any crowd noises in Covid-cleared stadia meant every word of what followed was audible to those watching at home. Walking toward the side-line, Gibbs shouted “Fuck him. I’ll do it again”. Showing he is as ready to stand up for a teammate as he is for himself, Coleman was straight over to the taxi-stealer to tell him, “No, you won’t do it again. Who do you think you’re talking to? You’ll do it again? Hard man. Fucking hard man.”

Nor are the practices of leading by example and looking out for your colleagues confined solely to the field of play when it comes to Seamus Coleman carrying out the duties he considers synonymous with captaincy.

“Seamus is always the first with the arm around the shoulder,” states Tom Cannon, a young prospect with only 3 sub appearances for the senior team to his name. “He always comes over and makes sure you’re alright.” Despite being out on loan, Cannon had still been made to feel part of his parent club by one person in particular and received regular words of encouragement and praise from his captain in absentia. “Since I’ve been away with Preston, he’s been dropping me texts after games and saying I’m playing well and to keep going,” revealed the grateful Republic of Ireland under-21’s goal sniffer.

“He is a real standard-setter, in terms of everything he does,” declares the Donegal man’s ex international team-mate David Meyler. “It’s down to the smallest details. If he is going for lunch in a canteen he speaks to everybody, he is polite to everyone, and asks everyone how they are. He is a really affectionate person.”

We’ve all encountered variations on the old epigram ‘If I found [insert name of star player/sporting hero here] in bed with my wife, I’d tuck them in’ (or, in the case of Peter Beardsley, ‘tuck them in, turn all the lights off, close the black-out curtains and ask if you can tie the blindfold for her’) but, when it comes to Seamus Coleman, Meyler would go beyond even that and happily betroth his own ankle-biter to the blues captain…if the age gap wasn’t so big and bigamy was currently on the agenda. “I’ve often said this as the father of a daughter: he’s the type of fella you would want her to bring home. He’s just a brilliant fella. For me, Seamus sets the standard  — as a footballer, a husband, a father, a son and a friend.”

One man who would agree with that sentiment but would probably stop short of offering up his own kids, David and Katia, as a polygamous symbol of his respect, would be serial Champions League winner (elsewhere) and one time mid-table scraper (Everton), Carlo Ancelotti.

Back in 2017, several reporters squeezed into a press-conference may have snickered when the then Bayern Munich manager was asked if he was considering a shock move to bring Seamus Coleman to the club as successor to Philipp Lahm and his one word response was a conclusive “No!” (accompanied by a half-pained/half-confused look plastered on his face like someone had posited Panthra was his favourite Thundercat), but they weren’t laughing a few years later when the low-key Italian was lauding the same individual as a standard-bearer on par with other big-name leaders to have played under him.

“It is important for a manager to have in his squad a player who is setting the standards really high,” Ancelotti preached to the now po-faced press pack. “Seamus is an example for the others. In this sense, he is the same as John Terry, Paolo Maldini, and Sergio Ramos; all great models for their teammates.”

From top to bottom, it seems anybody who has spent any length of time in and around Everton Football Club, or the Irish international scene, has nothing but good things to say about Seamus Coleman and his unswerving devotion to the cause.

Former Everton ‘Player Liason Officer’ Bill Ellaby, who performed the role for an uninterrupted period of 22 years, proclaims Coleman to be “as committed to the club as anybody I have known during the time I was there. He never says ‘no’ to anything for the club. Visits, events with disabled supporters, community projects. You can always rely on him. He’s part of the fabric of the club. You’d think he grew up here all his life because of how he cares.”

That caring nature was on display recently when, mid run-of-the-mill interview for the match day programme, Coleman overheard a member of staff happen to mention that a youth team player was about to put pen to paper on his first professional contract in the room next door. Asking if the youngster was sat in there waiting ‘right now’, Coleman immediately requested that they take a short break so he could head on over to offer his congratulations and a few words of welcome encouragement on the boys big day. Upon returning to the interview, Seamus was asked by the reporter if such a gesture fell under his remit as captain. “Never mind being a leader or captain, I just want to be a good person,” came his reply. “I want lads to feel at home here as much as possible but, at the same time, have standards on top of that.”

The simple aspiration ‘to be a good person’ lies at the very core of Seamus Coleman’s entire character and is evidenced by his numerous charitable endeavours over the years. In 2016 he established the Seamus Coleman Foundation to deliver support for disadvantaged children in Ireland and has provided large donations to the League of Ireland Emergency Fund (“an incredible gesture from an incredible man and leader”), ‘Feed Our Heroes’ (in support of frontline workers during the Covid pandemic) and a project to provide housing for homeless teenagers in Liverpool.

There was a story that did the rounds several years ago, about an autistic Everton fan from Ahlone who came down with a particularly vicious vomiting bug on the eve of his very first visit to Goodison and subsequently failed to get to the ground. A Go-Fund-Me page was set up by his friend in the hopes of giving the poor puker a second chance and the target figure of €1,100 was promptly reached within 24 hours, thanks to a solitary donation of €2,000. The donors name: Seamus Coleman.

In a similar vein there is the tale of Stevo Timothy, an Everton supporter who suffered severe spinal injury following a motorcycle crash in 2005 and was left with limited sensation in his body from the chest down. Despite the debilitating weakness in both legs and the fact he was mostly reliant on a wheelchair and crutches to get around on a day to day basis, the devoted blue was determined to undertake a 5km charity cycle challenge in aid of the Irish Wheelchair Association. Upon successful completion of the challenge, a probably-still-shattered Stevo took to Facebook to proudly announce, “Lads Seamus Coleman just contacted me and told me he has donated the rest of the money to bring me up to the 60 grand [target figure]!! Ah lads the man is an absolute gentleman. Up the feckin Toffees!!!!!”

Proving that footballing allegiance is no barrier to benefaction, Coleman has also made multiple contributions to the Sean Fox Fund, which was set up to provide round the clock care for a Liverpool fan who suffered life-changing injuries after being ruthlessly set upon by Roma supporters prior to a Champions League semi-final.

Such celebrated attributes as integrity, kindness, compassion and empathy have obviously served Coleman well during his playing career and captaincy. However, even the worlds most donkey respecting 'Rag and Bone' Man knows there comes a point in the road where you need to bin the carrot and switch to the stick. Otherwise, you're just going to come to a grinding halt and be stuck sat on top of a grotty cart full of second-rate old shite, with onlookers stood around pointing, snickering and saying ‘look at the state of that’.

Leaders also need to be direct and courageous enough to communicate the problems they see around them, in order for a solution to be found, and that has been a responsibility the son of Killybegs has been more than willing to take upon his shoulders. It was for that very reason Andros Townsend came to the rapid realisation that the Everton right-back is “the best captain I’ve played for”.

“Nowadays, the word captain doesn’t mean as much as it used to,” laments the ex-Spurs player who once told the surgeon performing his hair transplant to give him a proper Guile from Streetfighter 2. “It’s more about wearing the armband and shouting a bit on the pitch. But Seamus, on and off the pitch, Monday to Friday, really is the captain. He’s not worried about upsetting people or making friends. If something needs to be said, he will say it.” The experienced winger is well aware that, when in a precarious situation, sometimes people have to be pulled up, grievances must be aired and home truths need to be set forth, if a floundering collective is ever going to regroup sufficiently to turn a sticky corner.

So it was in summer 2020, immediately following a July fixture against Wolves in which Everton had just been thrashed 3-0 to jettison any faint hope of finishing in a European qualification spot, that a fuming Seamus Coleman was approached to give his thoughts on the performance. Still standing on the Molineux turf, the Everton man was visibly seething as he opened his mouth to talk.

“Shocking. Really, really bad. There’s no hiding places. They were better all over the pitch and we need to ask some serious questions of ourselves,” said the captain of his side’s capitulation. Taking a few seconds to compose himself, Coleman carried on, “We can all play badly. We can all misplace passes and crosses, but when the attitude’s not there and the desire’s not there… we weren’t there today and we got beat by the better team. We need to have a good, hard look at ourselves and maybe we’re not where we think we are.”

Taking aim at what he perceived to be an egregious slipping of standards, the Everton skipper proceeded to let his team-mates know that a lack of effort or application was simply unacceptable. “As individuals in the dressing room, as a club, we need to be expecting better. Lads really need to dig in, myself included, and get our heads down — or that won’t be good enough for this manager. It’s most certainly not good enough for this football club.”

“Sometimes they’re the things you have to say,” he explained, revealing the reasoning behind his words. “Quality-wise, we’ve got some very good players, but the desire and commitment wasn’t there today. You can lose a game of football but, all around the place, I think we need more commitment on a daily basis and [we need to] really come together.”

Now, the more contemptuous cynic could make reasonable claim that Coleman’s words of reprehension clearly failed to register as, barring a brief four month upsurge under Carlo Ancelotti, Everton’s form has continued to degenerate ever since, with on-field calamities keeping steady pace with off-field catastrophes in the downward spiral stakes. Equally, as a constant presence throughout a period in which performances plateaued then plummeted, a charge could be laid at the captain’s door that he is as culpable as any other player for the problems that have led to consecutive relegation battles.

It is an accusation the man himself is, typically, not afraid to shy away from. “I've been captain of the football club for the last four years, so I'm equally to blame for what's going on here as anyone else,” he admitted in February of this year.

However, the fact remains that Coleman has had the misfortune to be taking point during an unprecedented tumultuous period for the club, which has seen 7 managers in 7 years and 3 different Directors of Football traipse through the door. It is near impossible for one man, alone, to change an ingrained culture of failure through force of character at the best of times. To attempt to continually align and galvanise a confidence-sapped group, when the personnel, people in charge and entire playing philosophy are in perennial flux, is akin to charging into the fight with one hand tied behind your back and the other fitted with a foam fucking Hulk fist.

Throw in the fact that the people who are supposed to be there to back you up on the field are more likely to cry off, blench, cower behind you, or retreat and beg ‘not the face, not the face’, then it really does become a rigged battle.

For his own part, Coleman’s grounded outlook and great personal pride at pulling on the Everton shirt has served to ensure he will never hide from hard work, while guaranteeing he will always give everything he has got for the cause. “I’m very grateful for what I have. I never drive through those gates [at Finch Farm] thinking training is a chore,” the Premier League’s longest-serving player has previously explained. “I always remember I’m at Everton Football Club. I’m in the Premier League and I’ll never take it for granted. I’m sure people will read this and think ‘Oh here he goes saying this again’, but it’s the truth. I’m privileged to be where I am and I know that.”

Unfortunately, too many others enlisted to be teammates over the years have failed to take a leaf out of the blue exemplar’s book and have instead beheld Everton as merely a temporary port of convenience, or a chance to earn one last big pay cheque whilst barely moving beyond cruise control.

Indeed, one can only wonder what a skipper of steel and fighting-spirit must think of the myopic recruitment of talented but tepid players with multiple character traits anathema to his own.

Players like James Rodriguez, whose idea of commitment was not even bothering to look at the fixture list and buggering off on a yacht round the Balearic Islands…after the season had already started…to blow massive vape clouds and film a brand new video with Derek and Brennan for Prestige Worldwide (while the only butts his poor teammates were preparing to spank belonged to Burnley players who were next up in a night game at Goodison).

Or Dele Alli, whose stellar displays of probity included pulling up to his first training session in a Rolls Royce and strolling about the Goodison pitch seemingly uninterested and dressed like Serpico gone undercover (Frank Serpico: “What are you? Dedicated or something?”).

Players who, though more naturally gifted than many of their peers, failed to maintain focus and lost sight of the fact professionalism and hard graft are fundamental to peak performance, rather than facultative.

Players who, somewhere along the line, made the decision (whether consciously or unconsciously) to forsake the basic tenets that brought them success in the first place and subsequently fell full-pelt into the trap Coleman himself warned of when he preached, “Some people choose to change if they do well in life, but this job I have is not a reason to become someone you are not. In fact, it's an insult to say you have done well not to change because there is no reason to.”

“All of us went into sport because we love it, first and foremost. I went into football because I have a love for the game, not because I wanted to make lots of money. If you get to the top, the rewards come your way and that's great, but luckily for me, the desire has never been affected by the money you might get.”

"No one should be on a pitch thinking about the money you are getting for that game because if that's your motivation, you probably won't make the most of the chance you have been given to have a great career in sport."

It appears, for example, that Coleman did attempt to steer Dele Alli in the right direction in an effort to help the twice crowned PFA Young Player Of Year grasp the career lifeline he was undeservedly offered with his shock deadline day move to Goodison Park, with the latter taking to Instagram to pay tribute to his template-setting teammate.

Posting a picture that brought to mind a potential odd-couple buddy comedy (with Seamus as the workaholic eager beaver and Dele basically being Floyd from ‘True Romance’, forever dossing on the settee), Dele added the caption, “Living legend! What a man…showed me what it was to be an Evertonian”. However, the former England man was clearly only paying lip-service to whatever lessons were imparted, as less than a year later (following no further appearances for Everton, a failed loan move and a second spurned opportunity) he was front and centre in another snap posted to social media, slumped on a sofa (naturally) in a Salford flat, surrounded by bottles of tequila, more chewing tobacco than Josey Wales could flob out in a fortnight and a load of empty laughing gas canisters, with a floppy balloon dangling from his gob like a jovial hound that had just stumbled across a freshly discarded jimmy hat. As the old saying (sort of) goes, you can lead a half-wit to water but what are you to do when they proceed to piss in it?

As a consummate professional who leads by example, there are a number of attributes that Seamus Coleman has always brought to bear and too many others in a blue shirt have seemingly brushed aside: bravery, determination, endeavour and tenacity, combined with constancy.

Some may claim these are basics that any player should be able to bring to the table, whatever their skill set, but there has been sufficient evidence over recent seasons to suggest that the Everton dressing room would have been utterly bereft of such qualities if stripped, long-term, of a captain with the sprinting style of Quasimodo legging it past the leper colony of Saint-Lazare.

True, there came a time when the mistakes started to creep in with greater frequency and the legs grew visibly more weary, that Coleman’s form came under heightened scrutiny with some fans beginning to become more harsh in their criticism of his performances and louder in their calls for him to be replaced. A calamitous error in a 2021 derby drubbing, which saw Mohamed Salah capitalise on the Irishman’s moment of panic on the half-way line before haring away to slot past Jordan Pickford, even resulted in the Everton skipper being confronted by a ‘supporter’ on the pitch following the final whistle.

However, in general, it seems the tide has turned once more and there has been a resurgence of respect in the past 18 months, perhaps prompted by the continued pride and battling qualities he brings while the club has it’s back to the wall and others hide or buckle under the pressure, but also due to an understanding of the difficulties in finding a suitable replacement and the need for him to play on despite being past his best.

In an ideal world, Seamus would have been used more sparingly over recent seasons, providing back-up and competition while helping to school a suitable successor, but remaining ever ready to step in whenever his incomparable competitive streak, experience and superintendence was required. Yet, a neglectful recruitment policy neutered any possibility of him being phased out naturally when such a process should, rightfully, have taken place and instead prolonged his place as a nailed-on starter, even as his prime recedes further behind him.

Despite the position of full-back becoming ever more demanding, in terms of total distance needed to be covered and the fact he is now battling his own aging body as much as he is any opposition attacker, whenever questions have been raised over his suitability to continue in such a high-intensity role, Seamus Coleman has always managed to fight back to show there is still sufficient reserves of fuel left in the tank to get the job done.

It was the captain who set the team on the way to only a second win in 15 games when he scored the first Premier League goal of Frank Lampard’s ill-fated reign, in a vital 3-0 victory over Leeds.

It was the captain who threw down a marker in Sean Dyche’s first match in charge against Arsenal by shackling the in-form Gabriel Martinelli to such an extent that he was subbed off before the hour mark.

It was the captain who, two games later, had to be dragged down the tunnel by Abdoulaye Doucouré at half-time after arguing his case with a complaining member of Leeds United’s coaching staff. In the second-half of the same game, it was the captain who chased Alex Iwobi’s long ball down the right before unleashing a stunning strike from an acute angle on the byline to catch out keeper Illan Meslier and drag the blues out of the relegation zone.

Unfortunately, it was also the captain who was left writhing in agony following a first-half collision with Leicester City’s Boubakary Soumare that saw him land awkwardly and twist his knee. Visibly distressed at what appeared instantly to be a season-ending injury, he still demonstrated the strength of character to temporarily push aside crushing personal disappointment and pass on instruction and encouragement to teammates, even as he was carried from the field of play on a stretcher. With his contract due to expire at the end of the season and no news of an extension forthcoming, there was even the faint possibility Coleman could have played his last game for the club.

When rumours that the injury was not as bad as first feared began to filter through, it was hoped he might even return to help lead Everton away from the very real danger of relegation with one one final battle-cry, one last full-blooded charge through opposition forces, like Logan roaring through the forest, Lancelot slashing through the mist, or Frank the Tank trundling along the street shouting “We’re going streaking! We're going up through the quad and into the gymnasium.”

However, although initial concerns that Coleman had suffered ACL damage proved unfounded, the ligament injury sustained was still sufficient enough to ensure he would play no further part in the blues bid for Premier League survival….at least, out on the pitch.

Away from the field of play, with a potentially catastrophic final-day clash fast approaching, the Everton captain did his best to contribute to the cause the only way he could.

“He has been hobbling around on his crutches, coming into the changing room and trying to keep us motivated - he is basically Everton”, Alex Iwobi said during the countdown to the win-or-bust Bournemouth match.

“He is always cheering us on and we can see what it means to him. So we are fighting for everyone here to make sure we stay in the Premier League”, insisted the Nigeria international. “Seamus is always reminding us how so many people are affected by our results and what it means to Evertonians, to him, the people upstairs, the staff and what it should mean to us. He always reminds us that the least we can do is put 100% in.”

An absolutely essential 1-0 victory thanks to an Abdoulaye Doucouré thunderbolt, followed by the tabling of a one year contract extension that was eventually signed at the end of June, ensures that the status quo shall be maintained for Everton and Seamus Coleman for at least one more season. Given the veteran’s desire to prolong his playing career, the physical fragility of Nathan Patterson and how poorly Holgate and Godfrey performed when asked to fill-in at full-back, then it would seem to be a deal that makes perfect sense for both parties.

However, barring the sort of miracle not normally bestowed upon the blue half of Merseyside, Coleman will sadly still be bringing the curtain down on his time at the club as part of a dismally poor Everton side complete with a dusty cabinet devoid of even a single trophy to show for his dedication and effort. It is this lack of pot-lifting success that prohibits some from placing him on the list of bona fide Everton legends. For a man with a winning mentality, who has found himself mired in a wasteland of mediocrity, it is also a massive sore point, as the second highest goal scorer in the clubs history can attest to.

Despite current public perception as a panda-loving Kenwright patsy, Graeme Sharp is permanently enshrined as a Goodison great thanks to his heroics during the eighties and he revealed how a lack of honours eats away at the present Everton captain. “I remember him saying to me, ‘I need success, Graeme, I want to win something’”, recalls Sharp. “‘I want to be remembered as someone who won things, not just somebody who has played 300 or 400 games’.”

Yet, in this regard, Coleman does himself a disservice. Despite the lack of silverware he will be remembered for more than just an impressive appearance record. Thanks to his unimpeachable bravery, honesty, loyalty and commitment he has managed to earn the near universal respect of all Evertonians. He is probably the last surviving player with even a slither of relatability, or who the fans have some semblance of a lasting connection to. He is a throwback to a time when football was a province of the common man, rather than a purely commercial enterprise, and the greater good of the club came above the glory and gratification of the individual.

Coleman himself would probably bristle at such panegyrical praise as, typically, he considers what he does to be nothing out of the ordinary.

“When I finish training every day, I want to come home and spend time with the family. Work hard, come home and be a Dad for the rest of the day. There is nothing too exciting about my life, to be honest”, the down-to-earth star has previously stressed.

"I have been brought up well by my parents and just because I kick a ball around a field and a few people watch every time I go on the field, it doesn't mean I'm any better than anyone else.”

On that point, Seamus, I think most would disagree.

You’re better than Tony Hibbert, Phil Neville, Tyias Browning, Cuco Martina, Djibril Sidibe, Jonjoe Kenny, Mason Holgate, Nathan Patterson and Ben Godfrey.

You’re better than every other current Everton player and many, many of those long since gone too.

You’re the leader, the captain, the last loyal soldier still standing (or limping) and we thank you for your service.